I'm terrified but I'm not leaving

i believe we all have times in our lives that we know have helped define us. they can leave us raw, open, vulnerable and even scared. they can motivate us, they can terrify us and they can even change us. sometimes it's a moment and you miss it when it goes by but reflecting back on it you realize that ever since then, you haven't been the same. without commenting on the personal life of Rihanna i keep hearing this song on the radio and it totally sends chills down my spine. to me it speaks of these moments and says "bring it on" - just try me. you know this could be a test that you must pass, so let's go! the line i like the most is "you can see my heart, beating through my chest - and i'm terrified but i'm not leaving......."


Russian Roulette lyrics sung by Rihanna

Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take a gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go

Chorus:
And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
That I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

Say a prayer to yourself
He says close your eyes
Sometimes it helps
And then I get a scary thought
That he’s here means he’s never lost

{Chorus}

As my life flashes before my eyes
I’m wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye
But it’s too late too pick up the value of my life

{Chorus}



so what defines you? what moments have you had that help make up who you are? what terrifies you but keeps you standing? what makes your heart show through when it feels like it's pumping a million miles a minute? what prayer do you say to yourself as these moments pass?

Love, J

smiling often and laughing lots

as of late my life has been on the upswing. more balance, more laughter (less tears) and more smiles. i've made a conscious effort to be this way and have been working on gaining more stability - through life cirbumstances i was forced to, i should say i chose to not be in denial and accept what has come my way, i am not relying purely on one outlet to become more happy and more balanced. i'm even striving for a splash of contentment in there too!
the life choices i've been making are all towards one positive goal - me. i've rediscovered that i'm worth it, i matter and hey you know what, it's just plain old better being happier! i talk to someone once a month, i surround myself in positive influences, i stay put (and quiet), i am speaking my truth more and i am remembering that person that is/was admired by others. i take the daily steps that i feel are 100% necessary for me to remain stable, balanced and calmer. at times i falter and i'm aware of where i fell short or what i can make a better effort on tomorrow. denial is no longer my friend - and neither is ignoring me. choice and free will are a beautiful thing :)
i've had a lot of great mentors in my life and am applying/listening/remembering their lessons. my dad has been w me through this whole lifelong journey of me and continues to be where he always has been, right beside me - he accepts me and loves me like i need to learn to do for myself. my cousin nicole is my kindred spirit and has been such a blessing in my life i don't even know if i could describe what she means to me and my world - especially in this last year. my incredibly AMAZING friends, new and old help get me through. if it's through a text, a visit or just a "hey, what's up?" it has been and continues to be honourable, commendable and incredible. thank you - i am grateful.

speaking of which, here is my list for lately:
~~tofino cherry popping
~~rebecca - thank you allowing me to be around as much as i am
~~my brother Taylor calling to hang out and see me
~~knowing that i bought the book and will read it, apply it and learn from it
~~going for walks on the beach, no matter the weather :)
~~talks w Nath - my new fav person
~~fixing my phone, i've learned how important it is to me. it's a way for me to choose the level of social i have in my daily life
~~water
~~sleeping in my own bed
~~country music - it helps remind me who i am
~~ma familia
~~that beauty of a red car that will soon be mine, thank you dad. i get to drive stick again! phew! even bought some stickers to decorate her w!
~~learning from mistakes. the real mistake in mistakes is not learning from them right pa?
~~cutting out the i don't know's
~~being honest w myself, my new bf and w those in my life
~~sister sending me a postcard from Thailand - so love the adventure she and her bf are on :)
~~girls night, good to check in w lovely ladies once a week!
~~snuggles, kisses and hugs on a regular basis
~~mom continuing to check in, even when i don't call back as often as i should
~~re-booking important appt's
~~making wise life choices
~~finding or getting a journal, getting it outta my head sometimes is best lol
~~having someone in my life who listens and is nice to me - apparently i deserve it
~~bf's bday month (first bday together, woo!)
~~Collins family reunion next labour day weekend, THAT is gonna some serious fun!
~~knowing that every holiday can't be the same as it was growing up - more opportunities for fun!
~~my wifey
~~books, reading
~~my GMA
~~being in Megz's wedding, i get to be a girl for just one day!
~~Nathan

thank you for this life, i sure make it colourful and interesting sometimes but it just wouldn't be the same without that!
big love
J

*sigh*

you are my constant, you are my love, you are my whole wide world of everything, you love me fully, completely, you are my wifey and I plan to spend all my days w you :) I do love you so!

when all is not right w the world I remind myself I can be calm. I can breathe deep, I can seek peace. when my head gets too busy I know they'll be a time when it gets quieter. and this is one of the calm places I go to remind myself

I give thanks

On this Thanksgiving day I look around and see many things I am grateful for every day. I am trying on this gratitude attitude, am having to remind myself sometimes to focus on the positive, but I'm doing it! After two turkey dinner's and yet another yummy family dinner on the way tonight these are the things I am grateful for the most. Friends and family are the very top of the list always, I love you and if I don't say it enough then know you are loved and cared for. Happy Turkey everyone!!



My father has taught me many things in my life and will continue to teach me many more - the main one is love. Maura (or Not-So-Evil-Stepmother) has also come into my life, teaching me many great and wonderful things, they are an amazing couple who compliment each other well. For these two people in my life I am grateful and today I give many thanks for their love!

I give thanks for the lives of my two younger brother's, they are two examples of what I love most in this world. This is one of my most favourite pictures of them, while they were on holidays last Christmas in Florida. I love watching them grow up and these past couple years have enjoyed seeing them grow into the men they will one day become. Yay brother's!

This day and the day my sister graduated are two of my prouder days. I do so love my sibling's and am proud of their small and big accomplishments in life. I wouldn't be the person I am today without all the people in this pic w me.... my sibling's helped shape my personality when I was young and still help shape me now. My sister is away right now and I am so incredibly grateful, thankful, proud and glad she is on such an incredible adventure in Thailand. I do miss her but I know I'll get a giggle and a hug soon enouch. And none of us would be here if it wasn't for our Mama, she drives us to be more than sometimes we think possible. I love you all :)

~smiles~

i find myself smiling more lately. maybe it's what is going on in my life lately, maybe it's things are different in my head space or maybe it's just the way things are going.... and i'm ok w all of that. pretty sure i'm just gonna go with the smiles and keep trying to look on the bright side of things, walk on the sunny side of the street :)


reasons to smile as of late:

~~sunday drives
~~being the "go to" friend to take to the ER w you if my friendy's hurt themselves
~~having lunch w my bro Tay Tay
~~girls night's, having friends to check in w and see weekly
~~days off are a beautiful thing
~~my man
~~being invited for crab dinner - cause Dad and MoJo are home to have dinners!!!! yay!
~~going for a walk in the setting sun
~~watching old fav movies, RIP Patrick
~~Betty Boop
~~hopes for more thurs night fun w my wifey
~~not letting it bring me down
~~country music, love my tunes
~~my sister staying in touch while off across the world on her adventure
~~naps
~~starting to recognize my triggers
~~a wonderful voicemail from my nutters Nicole cousin! such a nice surprise :)
~~ordering a book that could help me
~~my wifey - she's who i wanna spend the rest of my living days around
~~watching my not so lil bro Chrissy Mac play hockey, first game (for me) of the year!
~~good talks
~~Nicole, my kindred spirit
~~not looking for flaws lol
~~this too shall pass
~~being employed, might cause me grief and stress but i'm grateful to have a job
~~watching my brother's grow up, it's a pretty darn cool thing
~~crawling into my own bed and snuggling up for sleep, w no alarm clock to wake me in the mornin
~~having a whooolllllle day w my little monster nephew Jakey in a couple weeks
~~Stephy visits on wednesday's
~~knowing who's behind me
~~Vix visit on friday, very muchly lookin forward to it!
~~hugs and snuggles and giggles ;)

happy fall!!
big hugs and love
JL

i heart Sunday's

gratefulness:

~~Sunday are in the running for my new fav day of the week
~~dad calling in regularly to check in
~~my sister responding to an email, great to hear from her
~~catching up w Nicole, my kindred spirit
~~turning my phone off or to silent lots
~~my little nephew Jake turning 1!!!!
~~cuddles, kisses - found a new fav spot wrapped in my man's arms
~~keeping in touch w friends, whichever form of technology it takes
~~a car to use so I'm able to get to work
~~pancake breaky for dad and not so evil step mother to meet the boy - success!
~~brother's hockey season starting up again - a future of warms drinks and cold areana's ahead :)
~~having those difficult converstaions but knowing we'll get through them
~~Sunday drives
~~going places I've never been before
~~Grey's FINALLY started up again - yay many more fun thursday's to come! i love my wifey
~~realizing that having a goal isn't such a bad thing, now i just need to cook one up....
~~lazy, quiet days
~~way grateful for the new friend, man, person in my life - such comfort he brings me

focus on the plus side of things

as uber stressful situations come into my life and I deal w them appropriately I find myself reminding myself to concentrate on the positive. I am typically very good at this but it seems the more stressful the situation, the less positive self talk and thinking there is in my head. I do find myself doing self check's and pausing my thinking at times to re-route the thinking. do others struggle w this? when the shit really hits the fan where do you find yourself mentally? aside from the obvious stress, panic and possible turmoil....

on that note, positive gratefulness as of late:

~~sister leaves in the morning for her 4 month adventure, so very proud of her and all that is taking on in this great fun time
~~being able to get to work all week w the help of a wonderful man
~~cuddles and kisses
~~sleeping
~~great friends
~~my monthly check in
~~making an appointment to see an accoutant to get this financial thing more on track
~~my step dad
~~little brother's
~~wifey, even when we don't see each other often just knowing she is out there makes my world a better place
~~Dad being home at any time to call and visit, check in, laugh w
~~mid afternoon naps
~~awesome new Nathan
~~keeping in touch w old friends, especially my weekly wednesday visits to my fav pizza place :)
~~country music
~~many more good conversations to come w my man
~~hugs
~~this too shall pass
~~the greatest sibling's in the whole wide world, I wouldn't be who I am today without them

big Purgavie love
J


Don't sleep counting sheep.
Count blesssings, then sleep.
Don't wake up worried about
what you have to do.
Count your blessings and
be grateful that you woke up.
----Yogi Bhajan

way grateful

things Jaime is grateful for as of late:

~~new friends
~~Kimberly, my hero who inspires me to become an amazing womanly person like her
~~being 26, a new year in my life :)
~~cousin's
~~reading books and resisting buying LOTS more at Chapters lol
~~my Bonise familia
~~where I live
~~lil sis Dare Dare going on a big 4 month adventure to Thailand, so proud
~~having a job
~~waking up to the sound of rain
~~freshly, wonderfully clean laundry, more so a nice fresh clean bed to crawl into *sigh*
~~DADDIO AND MAURA ARE HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~visiting w Grandad and the Arb for dinner
~~the most AMAZING surprise, adventure filled birthday day my Kimberly and Rebecca planned for me!!! oh wowsers did we have a great, great, great time!! thank you is only the beginning
~~starting to go back to church
~~the wifey's bday, she'll be as old as me ;)
~~making my way through frustrating situations and knowing I am quite capable
~~summer time
~~Betty Boop
~~random reasons to smile
~~snuggles
~~laughs
~~talking to my Mom twice on my bday
~~Chrissy Mac taking me out for dinner w his gf, very sweet of them
~~house sitting out in the boonies, peaceful and quiet (much needed)
~~sunday drives
~~"Our Day"
~~knowing the importance of the people in my life
~~holding hands
~~being told I'm nothing and for once NOT believing it!!!
~~Nicole, my kindred spirit
~~bridesmaid dress decision finalized, bought and paid for!
~~did I mention my Dad's home?

sorry no blogging for a long time, won't say I'll do it more cause I don't wanna promise things I can't fulfill.... hope all is well with all, lots of love :)

today Georgia is 15

growing up as far back as I can remember I've been an oldest or older one, I am #5 of the many cousins on my mom's side. some of my greatest memories are with my Chesney/Collins family, especially in their Courtenay house.... I don't know that there was many Easter's I wasn't there! once I opened a door to a darkened room to find my little cousin Georgia playing quietly, enjoying her time alone - in the dark. and I remember marvelling at how many snakes, frogs, bugs and various other creatures she could gather. I also remember when she became a big sister and the offspring of Mouse were two of my favourite little humans in the whole wide world!! so today I honour and thank the universe for the life of my younger cousin Georgia! I love the person you are, the girl you have been and the woman you are becoming. thank you for always being yourself, I hope you always stay true to you and listen to your heart. I'm so very glad you were born :)

HAPPY 15 Gorgeous!!!!! MUA!!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo


gratefulness for the moment:
~~having a quick chat with my Daddio
~~sitting in yellow car in the sun reading my book
~~the knowledge that I'm human and make mistakes and that's okay
~~5 hugs from Aunty Froo Froo!!!
~~my Vix
~~coffee with Ashdoodle, nothing in the world like old friends!
~~Mama coming to church with me on sunday, excited to show her my new discovery
~~receiving an email from my not so evil step mother
~~my lady Angela - she is the most compassionate, fun, wonderful, beautiful, loving, amazing, incredible, caring, steadfast friend. rocking chairs are the only things left on the list Angieloulou!!
~~making Mouse laugh, one day I'll get to do that in person
~~water
~~hugs from brothers
~~veggies and dip
~~remembering to breathe
~~cousin Nicole typing out messages on her daughter's "mobile" - she loves me! and I love her right back with all my heart
~~Megz and her ever optimism
~~choosing to chance the rapids and daring to dance that tide :)

some big Purgavie love sent your way! go hug someone today
Jaime Lee

grrrrreat er gratefulness

~~my Birthday Buddy
~~reading a great book
~~Rebecca and Kim, my angels on earth
~~skyping with my Papa Bear 2 weeks in a row!
~~Rome Home & Tuesday night dinner's being revived
~~walking
~~brother Taylor almost being 19!!! ACK!
~~being a big sister, it's one of my fav things
~~laughing
~~my Manders
~~the most wonderful, awesome, incredible, generous, gracious, wise grandparents I was blessed with in this life
~~the church Warmland in Crofton, thank you Rebecca for introducing me
~~having my car on the road and walking anywayz
~~Mom's Nia dance class :)
~~sitting around a fire visiting with amazing people
~~my dear friend Sarah, we've known each other since grade 3!
~~making my dad laugh half way around the world
~~being a Purgavie
~~God
~~music, it keeps me going, sane and happy
~~texting to keep in touch
~~respecting and keeping my own boundaries
~~finishing another Wally Lamb novel, thank you to the great author's out there who have made my life more adventurous and interesting
~~knowing not all days will be cry days
~~accepting help
~~learning to like tea
~~love

~~Daddio calling from Bali, talking for over an hour and being blown a kiss by MoJo
~~snuggles
~~Vix getting a cell phone and texting me tons :)
~~hooking my phone back up, altho it was a nice break
~~hearing the words "you're perfect in my eyes" from a special person
~~pretending to be a pro carpet layer with Ashly
~~going for a drive in my good buddy Caleb's landcruiser
~~hop Dad's, I have the best one out there
~~going on a movie date with my not so little brother
~~Kim
~~hugs from old friends
~~walking in the rain with a smile on my face
~~meeting my nephew Logan soon!
~~good friends not giving up on me
~~nutty Nicole
~~Pauper Lauper
~~my wonderfully blended family
~~two dance classes in one week! thanx Denise and Kim!!!
~~my wise old Grandad
~~the Rome Home Tuesday's being revived!
~~re-reading "The Bean Tress", it's like visiting an old friend

Big Purgavie Love
JL

gratitude attitude

~~my dad instilling in me the importance of an adventurous spirit from a very young age
~~hop dad's office being right in town and stopping in to say hi
~~the company of Hershey girl, Becks, Gucci, Jamal and Billy over the weekend
~~enjoying a night at home with my roomy :)
~~looking out the window to see rain clouds and giggling
~~friends, family and faith
~~Chelsea coming to visit me yesterday, hopefully the begining of many more visits to come!
~~coach Marianne
~~the great convo's I've been having with loved ones
~~Tanya Lee and the friendship we've maintained over a lotta years
~~being an Aunty to sweet baby Jake
~~the wonderful message GMA left me last night
~~Rome Home Tuesday's being revived!!!
~~visiting with Stephy while she's at work, an amazing woman with a beautiful heart
~~this too shall pass
~~Christian and Spencer coming to hang out with me on the weekend
~~sleep
~~walking to just walk
~~Caleb
~~having a visit with Mealz on her break at work
~~the memories I have of Gaggy, I hold them near and dear to my heart
~~knowing that I'm worth it
~~my Bonise familia
~~giggles
~~a bed to sleep in, a roof over my head and water to drink
~~Megz coming to see my sister sing and enjoying a visit over coffe, thank you doesn't even begin to cover how grateful I am that you are in my world

go hug someone today

so my life has been changing lots and lots over the past few months, transition is the word I like best to describe it. through life happenings etc etc (details) I've had to take some time off of work..... quite the adjustment. I also moved into "town" as it were, closer to d-town as I affectionately call it, to live with my dear friend Ashley... I rent a room from her in her condo, in a nice quiet building with her crazy kitty Tucker. it's in walking distance of just about everything so it's a wonderful place for me to be right now, for many many many reasons.
the big blow was not having my car, it is a blessing in disguise that it happened and I am actually a little grateful for it. I know that I can fix the situation and I will but for right this very moment I'm okay with it being parked at my GMA's house. it won't always be parked and yellow car more than likely won't be mine for much longer anywayz so it's all a matter of the details and working them all out. that'll happen.

the people in my life keep me going, they truly do. I am keeping the faith and will keep going on my own too, I have to. I'm learning lots about myself and will continue to. as I write this I look out the window and see a blustery day and it makes me smile, spring is here and with that new growth and rain :) summer will soon be to follow. change is a good thing.
to those of you I don't see often enough, hello. to those of you I see all the time, hi! and to those of you I can't see, I love you and thanx for watching over me.

Friends are the family you choose. I've made some pretty friggin' awesome choices and I love you all!!!! I believe that I chose my family as well and I made some GREAT choices there as well! so thank you.
big Purgavie love to all, hug someone today
love
JL

gratefulness and there's a LOT these days

~~my family in all their blessed blendedness
~~technology, it helps me keep in contact with those not near
~~my cousin Nicole
~~amazing grandparents
~~hop dad Richard - amazing man and I love him
~~having a cry day
~~Julie's ipod, keeps me sane while I walk
~~heartfelt hugs
~~finding out who cares for me and what I care about
~~finishing a book and starting another one
~~3 of my fav author's all having new books!!! yesssss
~~positiveness
~~being a Tigger more than being an Eeyore
~~my aunty Mouse, words cannot express how much I look up to that woman, respect her, love her, cherish her and strive to be like her.... I REALLY love you Mouse ;)
~~sibling's who make my world go round
~~my local library, can't help but smile as I walk through their doors
~~Vicki having a drawer for my pj's and random articles of clothing I leave behind lol
~~music
~~keeping the faith
~~friends who will stand by me, hold me up, pull me along, hand me more kleenex and laugh with me
~~Angie - you are one of my very important people and always have been, thank you doesn't even begin to cover it
~~being an aunty, meeting Logan for the first time next month!!!!
~~the rain
~~being still more often
~~my Mama
~~knowing my room won't always look the way it does right now
~~making baby Jake laugh so hard that MY tummy hurt after, such a precious lil man!!
~~hanging out with my new little "sister" Abbey, she rocks my socks!
~~dinner with my Grandad at the Arbutus Cafe
~~growing up
~~going to church with Rebecca in Crofton
~~staying true to myself
~~these lists, remind me of what's good in my life and to remind myself to look at the good :)

to be cont'd!

big love from a big mushball
Jaime Lee

glad to have friends who want to "fix it"

don't know what i'd do without my friends, honestly couldn't tell ya. being grateful is an attitude i have everyday, especially for those in my life who keep me going. my mama has been wonderful too along with the rest of my family. GMA fed me home cooked wonderfulness last night and it made my world just that much bettter... Ashley, Julie and Kim -- honestly don't know what i'd do with out, thank you for being there and thank you for putting up with me lately. thank you is only the simple version of what i'm feeling :)

gratefulness as of late

~~cousins
~~my mama giving me a spontaneous hug
~~learning that I can do the things I never thought I could, no matter how hard
~~reflecting
~~being 25
~~my new friend Ashly, kinda rocks my socks a lil bit!
~~being in a MACK TRUCK courtesy of Ashly!!!!!!
~~watching Chrissy Mac's hockey game with my hop-dad and Uncle Jimmy (3 goals with one hat trick!)
~~being still and quiet
~~blaring the tunes and singing my heart out to Evanesence, CD hasn't left the player in a couple weeks
~~knowing my sister gets my messages and hoping she knows that I am so incredibly proud of her and all that she does and love her lots and lots and lots!
~~my aunty's, all of 'em!
~~where I live
~~waking up with a smile on my face
~~knowing Papa bear and Maura leave the Baja right quick to start driving back up north in the VW van
~~growing up but not becoming a "dolt"
~~laughing til it hurts
~~Purgavie's
~~my Grandad taking me out for dinner at the Arb, good man to have a visit with over one of the best burgers in all the land!
~~my roomy
~~the check in's from my Mama
~~getting "the boys" (as we call my not so little brother's) to put away some of their laundry... and sort of teaching them how to do their own laundry
~~getting to see sister dog Skeya soon!!! one of the greatest bundles of joy that says hello by leaping on you with such great big love :)

there's more where that came from!!!
JL

happy thoughts and gratefulness

~~Cocklette
~~having a bubble bath and enjoying it for the first time since my Gaggy lived on Bench road, even stayed in long enough to need more hot water lol
~~my Aunty Kate and all her wisdom
~~going for a walk with my Mommy
~~Chrissy Mac turning 17!!
~~my music helping to keep my sane (ish)
~~walking into the Duncan United Church and sitting in the sanctuary, the Gaggy and Grampy window was behind me, a bible in my hand and my future in front of me
~~feeling the warmth of the sunshiney sun on my face
~~Kim taking my bro and I to see "Gran Torino" - GREAT movie! and even greater friend :)
~~my Manders
~~our new pet Spike Billy Cockle, name might change at any given time... he's hasn't even been here 24 hours!
~~Margie and Ashly, two friends who I made quickly and who accepted me just the way I am. I can't wait to spend our lives together
~~making and having dinner with ma familia
~~Daddio not being here for my melt down, makes me a stronger person
~~waking up with a smile on my face :)

thank you and I hope you are enjoying your day
big love, JL

littlest one is 17 today!!! Happy Birthday Christian!!!

so it's my youngest brother's bday today. his "uncool" sister Jaime took him down to Vic and delivered him to his WAAAAY cooler sister Darelle. they then proceeded to go out to a house party and i'm sure he was fed drinks all night long, a happy boy!!! (and yes, to me he's a boy damn it!)

i stole this pic from Dare Dare's friend on FB. LOOOOVE IT!!!! this was i'm guessing the end of their night.

i love my sibling's more than life itself. the day Christian was born was the day i knew that prayers can be answered. i wanted there to be 2 girls and 2 boys like you wouldn't believe!!! so my darling little brother, i love you more than i can ever put into words! YAY saying goodbye to 16!!! new year, new stuff and yay grade 12 next year.... woo!!!!!
love
your "uncool" sister
Jaime Lee

gratefulness for now

~~my Sooke families
~~my Pauper Lauper calling me last week and him (oddly enough) being jealous of me and Ashly going to Port Renfrew when he is spending 5 months in Mexico... go figure!
~~the sunshine shining through the fog and mist with bits of snow still left on the ground on my drive out to visit my wifey in lake town, reminded me of the many drives up to Smithers at spring break
~~my shoulder pain creeping back up on me, a friendly reminder to take better care of myself
~~Kim, she an inspiration to me
~~being a woman
~~my nieces and nephews and thus in turn my cousin's
~~FB and it's convenience to keep in touch with people
~~shutting my cell phone off for 3 days at a time - twice!
~~upcoming mini "vaca"... hopefully *fingers crossed*
~~in 5 more sleeps the littlest one turns 17, my sibling's mean the world to me :)
~~GMA being a role model to me
~~splashing through puddles with gumboots on!!! go try it, see if you can resist the grin that follows!
~~Dare Dare eventually answering my texts/phone calls/FB msgs/random showing up on her door step...
~~new friends and old ones too
~~fingers being sore from hours of guitar hero with my Sooke family and the giggles that came with it!
~~the love of reading
~~my aunty Carol's laugh
~~Tay Tay getting up and walking the 2 feet i could've walked just to get me a blanket and then muttering "laziest person ever" as he handed it to me... hahahaha...
~~crocheting blankets for loved ones

some days....

in one of my fav Dixie Chicks songs is a life lesson that i like to take to heart... "some days ya gotta dance, live it up when ya get the chance".... and then there are other days that you really just wish you had stayed in bed with the covers over your head. as if your world might have been a bit better had you not tripped 20 times that day and made a mess of things, you know the ones - where nothing will go right, no matter how hard you try. on those particular days i'm often reminded of a calvin and hobbes comic strip... he goes about his day, is not having a good one and keeps getting the snot beat out of him from every angle no matter how hard he tries. (i can sympathize) and at the end of the day comes to the conclusion that somedays even your lucky rocketship underwear just doesn't help...

and then there are other days where it doesn't matter under-roos you have on or what mood you walk out the door in, you just kick ass and nothing is gonna bring you down!!! not to the point of being arrogant but it's a damn good day and you like the way the wind is blowing. after having a chit chat with my cousin Joc i decided to share my love of calvin and hobbes (written by the very brilliant Bill Watterson) with the blog reading world.
so no matter what kind of day you're having - here's to you my friend!!!

+++ thoughts

most recent grateful/positiveness:

~~getting a cold and taking care of myself to the point of not doing anything, drank so much water yesterday my kidney's couldn't keep up! so being capable to do so as well as being smarter about my health
~~Tanya and all her wonderfulness, growing up with her as a friend has been a major blessing
~~my Mexi-family, whatever adventure you're on and wherever you have "kidnapped" my GMA to i know you're having fun and continue to inspire me on a daily basis
~~my sister and brother's for always keeping in touch with me and always being there, i don't always have to like them or the decisions they make -- i will ALWAYS love them
~~"two feet and a heartbeat!" - - these words go through my head as i lie on the couch with my snot rags, inspired me to go home and take care of myself more so i can go for that walk later on this week
~~my sister friend Stephy, great continuing convo's this week and awesome seeing all that you're doing with your life and yourself. very proud of you lil miss!
~~old friends
~~Betty Boop and all she represents, love you Gaggy :)
~~my Mexi-shoes ("party shoes") remind me of where i've been and where i'm going.... no matter what, it takes one step at a time.... and why not do it in style? (right Tia Cynthia?)
~~my family, no matter how big, how obnoxious, or how wonderful you all are - you're always there
~~cousins, both near and far
~~my quest for knowledge
~~finding out more for my upgrading to continue on with my long term BIG girl goals
~~FB, even tho you take up too much of my time and are addicting i appreciate that you keep me in contact with friends and family
~~breathing in and out and seeing another day
~~the rain's back!!!!! YAY!!!!
~~my Odo family, thanx again for having me and letting me house sit, the doggies and cats kept me in great company over the holidays

that was a few more than i'm sure usual, a lot to be grateful for in this ol' life.... what can i say? i'm putting more of a positive spin on things these days. and if i can't be merry f-ing sunshine all the time well at least i'm me!!!!
big love
JL

sibling's are home!!!! yaya!!!

so you pretty much can't wipe the smile off my face! i just made lunch for my "little" brother's... they're outside making 2 forts in the snow. taylor has been out there for over an hour, christian just came in to eat his grub.... settled in on the couch, happily sniffling and even happier to be home.

my sister is on her way back to uni, after waiting for the malahat to open back up. safe travels and we'll see ya soon dare dare!!


i know that my life has been an everchanging-ness of mess and fun and for some reason i'm used to this and have learned to be quite adaptable, not such a bad thing. i know that i've had many, many, many a holiday season (not just xmas) without many family members BUT for whatever reason this year i sure did miss my sibling's!!!! SOOOO HAPPY to have them home, i stood at the bottom of the driveway bouncing with excitement and pretty much haven't stopped hugging them! so this is my encouragement for the day... hug someone, just cause ya can, no reason... just give a great big hug!!! turns out well for you cause you get one in return!
and there's a hockey game on haha.... boys are home :)
sending you some happy vibes cause according to some, that's what i do!
JL